


So close and yet so far

by Dunloth



Series: KakaIru Mini Bingo 2019 [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Universe, Challenge: kakairu_fest Mini-Bingo, Community: kakairu_fest, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Marriage, Secret Relationship, Umino Iruka-centric, casual alcohol drinking, mentions of sexual abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:54:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23861146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dunloth/pseuds/Dunloth
Summary: Being together is great, but having to keep it secret sucks. This sums up Iruka’s feelings about the whole thing, but it only scratches the surface of it all.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Series: KakaIru Mini Bingo 2019 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1649836
Comments: 16
Kudos: 176
Collections: KakaIru 2019 Mini Bingo!





	So close and yet so far

**Author's Note:**

>   
> Written for the KakaIru Fest Mini Bingo.  
> Prompt: Secret relationship.  
> CW: blood, injuries, mentions of sexual abuse (not explicit), casual alcohol drinking, some cursing.  
> There is a bit of smut, but not much.

Being together is great, but having to keep it secret sucks. This sums up Iruka’s feelings about the whole thing between Kakashi and him, but it only scratches the surface of it all.

Kakashi is not so negative about it, because his bar about being content and happy is abysmally low. He’s never had anything this good before, so he’s just amazed he’s so lucky that Iruka loves him. However, his feelings about it also go much deeper than that, but he’s good at compartmentalizing—perhaps too good. His imagination sometimes betrays him, making him try to picture them being openly together in front of everyone. His brain just can’t process that level of happiness and freaks out, so Kakashi tries not to go there too often.

⁂

Tsunade is the only one who knows about them, because Kakashi is in every foreign bingo book and thus his partner’s existence and identity are a political matter to Konoha—a liability. Elite shinobi and clan heads must inform the Hokage about any stable relationship. Tsunade approved their union, but also gave them a direct order: their relationship had to be secret, to keep Iruka's name out of the bingo books, in the name of Konoha's safety, and his own.

The Godaime Hokage married them two years ago, under a blossoming cherry tree. The quick ceremony had to be done before the breaking of dawn, to make sure no one would see them. Kakashi and Iruka’s breath hung in the chilly March morning air when they said their vows, as the birds around started to sing to the new day. Iruka’s eyes were moist; Kakashi had both eyes open and his sharingan was slowly spinning, taking the scene in forever.

It was a happy moment, but a bitter one too. Iruka would have wanted his important people to be there—Naruto, mainly, but also Anko, Kotetsu, Izumo, his fellow academy teachers. He would have wanted to scream Kakashi was his from the top of Konoha’s Hokage mountain. Kakashi only could think of one person he would have wanted to be there—Gai. His loud life-long rival and friend would be hurt if he knew Kakashi got married without telling him. He didn’t even know Kakashi and Iruka were a thing.

Kakashi’s main regret back then was depriving Iruka of a normal wedding. Now he's more worried about depriving him of a normal life. Kakashi keeps collecting all those moments where he feels he’s hurting Iruka, adding them to his guilt account. They pile into his photographic memory like a string of heavy black beads weighing on his conscience.

⁂

One of their typical interactions would go like this: Iruka sleeps, Kakashi comes in through his bedroom window, whose seal wards recognize Kakashi’s chakra as _family_ , and allow him to enter the room without frying him. Kakashi removes his soiled mission clothes in silence and washes himself quickly, to get under Iruka’s sheets and hug him. Iruka is so tired he only wakes up a little, enough to hug Kakashi back, exchange some mumbled loving words, and go back to sleep.

Kakashi has to leave before dawn, so no one knows he's been there with Iruka. He leaves a silent present on the pillow, a package containing one of Iruka’s favorite teas, bought during his mission in the country of Waves. Iruka wakes up not much after Kakashi has already left. He sees the small package and smiles, and then he sighs, missing Kakashi already. He still feels the warmth of Kakashi’s body in his bed, a hint of his smell, slowly and irreversibly fading away.

⁂

Iruka has to see Kakashi hurt, bleeding, wobbly in the mission room—many times. A few of those times Kakashi even collapses in front of Iruka. Iruka can’t be the one who takes him to the hospital. He has to bite his worry down and keep on working until the end of his turn. He has to go home after that, like nothing bad happened, like the love of his life is not under surgery now, his life pending on the medics’ skills. He has to cook some food for dinner, try to eat it, try to act like everything is okay. Tsunade will send him a bird with a message after Kakashi’s out of the woods; but Iruka still can’t go to see him, to make sure he’s alive and healing right. Iruka can’t be there when Kakashi wakes up, confused and feeling like shit, alone. 

Iruka usually is not able to sleep on those days. He lays in his bed all night, his eyes open.

Every time Kakashi almost dies at the hospital Iruka is not listed in his file as his next of kin. He’s not his partner. He’s not allowed in the ICU—he doesn’t even ask for it. He stays home, and feigns polite interest when he meets Kakashi’s jounin colleagues and he asks them _‘How is Kakashi-san doing, is he healing well?,’_ as if Iruka’s not dying to know, to be there by Kakashi’s side.

Iruka often sees Kakashi reporting to Tsunade after hard missions. He sometimes looks so tired—a black circle under his visible eye, or some hastily dressed wound, or his shoulders slouching a bit more than usual. Tsunade sends him away again, anyway.

Iruka wants to ask her not to do it. He wants to say something to stop it. Instead, he just keeps quiet, and smiles a mild smile as he gives the new mission scroll to Kakashi, and wishes him politely to come back safe, trying to sound impersonal while screaming inside.

It’s hard every time Kakashi is assigned a honey-pot mission. Iruka knows a shinobi has to do that sometimes, there are situations where seduction is the optimal way to get a mission done, and some missions Kakashi takes are too important for Konoha. Sometimes there really isn’t anyone else that can take them, there isn’t any other way.

All of those undeniable reasons don’t make it easier for Iruka. They don’t make him stop wanting to punch Tsunade in the face, to grab her shoulders and shake her until she changes her mind and assigns the mission to anyone else that is not Kakashi. Iruka shuts up instead and takes it, and cries when he gets home and is sure no one can see him.

Kakashi is assaulted in one of his missions. He comes from the hospital to Iruka’s home quiet, torn and so angry, so hurt. He barely tells Iruka what happened, but Iruka knows him well enough to fill in the gaps. He also suspects it’s not the first time it’s happened to Kakashi.

Iruka wants to kill someone. He knows he can’t protect Kakashi; there are so many bad things that happen during missions, and this is just one of them, one of the worse. Iruka’s rational mind knows it too well, but still he doesn’t know of a way to make it hurt less, to process it and to come to terms with it.

That night is one of the very few they throw caution to the wind and Kakashi stays in Iruka’s home the whole night, sleeping in his bed, comforted by Iruka’s presence, even if they are not touching—it’s the only way Kakashi would have some rest tonight, he still can’t stand anyone touching him, he won’t for a time.

Even that time, they’re not together for too long. The morning after, Kakashi leaves again to his own cold apartment. He’ll be on leave for a couple days, then he has another mission already assigned, an easy B-rank this time, thanks goodness.

As they make an effort to eat a light breakfast, Kakashi’s gone back to be unreadable, locked into himself. But he kisses Iruka before leaving, a quick masked peck on his lips, and a soft caress on his cheek. _‘I’ll be okay,’_ Kakashi tries to reassure Iruka, and Iruka pretends he believes him.

Iruka wants to hug him, to grab him and make him stay, captive in his arms forever. Fuck Konoha, fuck Tsunade and the whole shinobi system and its cruel rules they’re trapped in. Instead, he smiles at Kakashi and tells him to take care and let him know if he needs something. Iruka knows Kakashi won’t, he’ll stubbornly go through everything on his own, alone, as he always does. He’s been doing it all his life, and he keeps doing it, even if Iruka is there for him now. It doesn’t help that they are not allowed to live together.

They are allowed to share some time in public, though, to meet for dinner at Ichiraku, or for a walk around Konoha after Iruka’s hard workday, in the rare occasions when Kakashi’s back in Konoha, resting between missions. They make the best they can of those precious moments out together. Iruka has a hard time preventing his face to show his feelings for Kakashi, but he somehow manages to do it seamlessly. He’s not a chuunin for nothing.

They also take every possible occasion to meet for a few fleeting hours in private, in Iruka’s or Kakashi’s home. They usually prefer Iruka’s, Kakashi feels more at home there than anywhere else in the world.

⁂

“Remind me again why we have to take all of this,” Iruka says one lazy Sunday afternoon they are lucky enough to have a couple hours to be together, as they rest panting in Iruka’s bed, naked, sweaty and gross, enjoying their afterglow.

“You know, love. You can’t be listed in my bingo book pages. Every missing nin from here to Suna would come for you. I can’t allow you to get in danger like that.” Kakashi caresses Iruka’s face to remove some wet hair strands stuck to his forehead and cheeks.

“And Konoha can’t afford to have that security breach risk. I've become your weakness, they'd try to use me to control you. I know, Kakashi. I just need to hear it again now and then. I need to convince myself that keeping this secret is worth it.”

Kakashi smiles at him, sweet and sad. “It is. It could be worse. It could be that we were not together.”

Iruka doesn’t feel like returning the smile this time. He closes his eyes and turns on his side, away from Kakashi’s caresses and from his gaze.

“Sometimes I almost wish we weren’t,” Iruka whispers.

The words slip Iruka’s control in a moment of weakness. It’s the way Iruka feels sometimes, when he’s not strong enough. When despair overcomes hope.

It’s cruel saying that to Kakashi. Iruka regrets it instantly after those bitter words leave his lips. He turns to look at Kakashi, flinching when he sees Kakashi’s hurt expression. “Forget I said that. I didn’t mean it—”

“No, I think you meant it,” Kakashi interrupts him. He sits up on the bed, the sheets pooling around his bony hips. He passes a hand through his sweaty hair. Iruka sits up too, moving to hug Kakashi. “No,” Kakashi stops him, grabbing his wrists, carefully, without meaning any harm. “I can see it too, Iruka. You’re not happy like this. Being with me is hurting you, and that’s the last thing I would want. I love you too much.”

Iruka feels his stomach sink with dread. Is Kakashi breaking with him? It can’t be. He’s saying he loves him, it can’t be, it can’t be…

Kakashi’s next words reach Iruka like kunais through his chest. “Perhaps we should stop being together. You could move on, find another person—”

“I don’t want another person. I want you. I love you.” Iruka’s voice is shaking. He’s shaking. He’s sure Kakashi can feel it from where he’s still holding his wrists.

Kakashi looks miserable, like in the old times, when Iruka looked at him from far away, watching him lose himself in soul-crushing ANBU missions, unable to reach out for help, unwilling to let anyone help him, to let Iruka help him, until Iruka managed to slowly get in through the tiny, almost invisible cracks in Kakashi’s hard protective shell.

Iruka was good at that, at destroying barriers in people’s hearts. Kakashi learnt it firsthand. People like him and Naruto were very difficult to keep at arm’s length when they wanted to get close.

Kakashi lets go of Iruka’s hands, looking appalled. He lowers his head. “I know, Iruka. I know you love me. I wish things were different, but they are not. I can’t give you the life you deserve. I know you would be much better if we hadn’t met.”

“Kakashi, you’re an idiot.”

“Uh?” Kakashi looks up, startled and confused. Iruka looks pissed.

“I said you’re an idiot. I thought we were past that point of you thinking that you don’t deserve to be with me, that you’re bad for my health, and all that crap. Haven’t we discussed that already, years ago?”

Yes, they had. When they first got together, Iruka had chased Kakashi and had hit a wall where Kakashi’s survivor’s guilt and pent up traumas would make him think that he wasn’t good for Iruka, that he would ruin the life of anyone who would be with him. Iruka had put in use his proverbial patience and stubbornness until he engraved into Kakashi’s hard skull that no, he was not a human disgrace, that he deserved to be loved, and Iruka was not going anywhere until Kakashi would give up and let him in.

“This is not the same,” Kakashi grumbles.

“I think it is. You’re trying again to put yourself aside for my own good. You’ve decided what’s best for me, without giving me the chance to give my opinion. You can’t take that decision on my behalf, Kakashi. I have my say on it, don’t you think?”

"I'm dragging you down, Iruka. I can't watch you take it and suffer because of me."

“You're not listening to me. You’re right that this whole thing is getting to my nerves lately. You know I sometimes have problems with my temper. Damn, you suffer it firsthand. And that’s why this makes me angry. You should know better by now, Kakashi, after being with me for so long.”

Iruka throws his arms around Kakashi’s neck, making their faces get very close. He has a determined expression, but he’s smiling his trickster smile.

“I would go through everything to be with you. This situation is not perfect, and honestly, I have bad days. But if this is what it takes for us to be together, then I’ll take it. Don’t ever try to talk me out of it.”

Iruka kisses Kakashi, with all his love and his rage. He wants his kisses to make Kakashi believe what his words don’t manage to instill into him.

Kakashi lets Iruka kiss him and sweep his anguish away. He’s never been able to resist Iruka’s determination, he will never be. “Okay,” Kakashi manages to say between kisses. He gives up, feeling relieved that Iruka somehow still wants to pay the high price of refusing to have a normal life, a normal family, just to be with Kakashi.

Kakashi hugs Iruka closer and moves him to sit on his lap. He sinks his hands in Iruka’s hair, massaging his scalp. “I’m glad you said no. I really don’t want to think what I would have done if you hadn’t,” Kakashi admits, softly.

“You sounded quite convinced though. You scared me for a moment.”

“I should’ve remembered your way to deal with these things.”

“Yep, you should have.” Iruka starts nuzzling and kissing Kakashi’s neck, knowing the effect it will have on Kakashi. “You know what we need to do now, to keep you from getting funny ideas again, right?”

“Yes,” Kakashi replies, a bit breathless, feeling his body respond to Iruka’s teasing. “We need to fuck.”

“Correct answer.” Iruka beams at him and goes back to suck a love bite in Kakashi’s neck.

“Do I get an A, sensei?” Kakashi lies back on the bed, taking Iruka down with him.

“A+, even. Now shut up and focus.”

“I can do that.”

They spend the rest of the afternoon making each other forget that in a few hours they’ll be apart again.

⁂

Again, being together is great, but having to keep it secret sucks. Iruka’s opinion about their situation has not changed. He broods about it as he wraps his gift for Kakashi on their third anniversary, that will be next week. Iruka is sure Kakashi will love it—he can’t go wrong with anything Icha-Icha themed, but he’s pretty sure Kakashi will appreciate this one especially: it’s a copy of the new book in the series that hasn’t been yet officially released. The publishing company belongs to a relative of Ebisu, and Ebisu owes Iruka a couple of favors, so he couldn’t refuse when Iruka asked him to get one of the books a month before they were sent to the bookstores.

Iruka laughs when he remembers Ebisu’s suspicious look from behind his ever-present glasses. As everyone in Konoha, he knows who’s Icha-Icha number one fan. But he’s polite enough to not saying anything. Iruka thanks him and leaves him to his thoughts about why Iruka-sensei would want to ask a personal favor to get a perverted book for the infamous Copy-Nin.

Genma is starting to suspect as well that Kakashi and Iruka are together; Iruka can feel his pensive looks after Genma witnesses yet another one of Iruka’s interactions with Kakashi in the mission room, can see him piece things together, knows what his half-smile means.

Gai already knows, since some months ago—as oblivious as he seems, Gai has pretty much more emotional intelligence that people gives him credit for, and cares deeply for Kakashi, and knows him too well. It was a miracle he didn’t catch them before. After all, Kakashi and Iruka have been together for more than six years now, and secretly married for almost three.

Iruka is too loyal to Konoha to break the strict restriction Tsunade forced on Kakashi and him about keeping their relationship secret. He really can say he’s done everything in his hand to keep it like that. In fact, he’s done more than enough—both Kakashi and him have gone through a lot of suffering to make sure no one knew about their love. But there are things that just can’t be kept secret forever.

⁂

The last straw is when a very drunk Anko bursts into Iruka’s home one night for some friendly chatter, as she’s been doing occasionally since Iruka and her were kids. She finds Kakashi and Iruka together in Iruka’s bed, naked and unmistakably having sex. It’s the first time Iruka sees Anko blushing in the twenty something years he has known her. She even apologizes clumsily before rushing out through the bedroom window, leaving them shocked.

Iruka huffs and face palms. “That’s it. By tomorrow’s afternoon all Konoha will know about us.”

Kakashi hurries up and gathers his clothes, starting to get dressed at ANBU speed. “I’ll reach her and make her promise she’ll keep her big mouth closed—”

Iruka’s hand stops him when he’s putting his pants on. “Kakashi, leave her. It’s okay, we did our best as long as we could. We can’t stop this now.” 

Kakashi looks worried. “Iruka, you know this is not a whim. The moment this comes out you’ll be in danger. I have too many enemies. They will go after you.”

“We also have many friends. I always knew this was a risk, Kakashi. I’m not changing my mind now. I’m not a jounin, I’m not as skilled as you, but I can still try to defend myself. I’m not a helpless civilian.”

Kakashi doesn’t answer, but stops getting dressed.

“We’ll tell Tsunade tomorrow first thing in the morning. Let her know before the news spread across the village,” Iruka says. He tackles Kakashi and makes him fall on the bed again. “Come on, don’t look so worried. This means we can stop hiding. You can finally move here with me. We can have what we always wanted.”

Kakashi is struggling to accept the new situation. He’s stiff in Iruka’s embrace. “I don’t want to pay the price. I can’t lose you, Iruka.”

This is the more anguished Iruka has ever seen Kakashi. Iruka kisses him, slowly, trying to comfort him. “Do you realize that the chances of you dying in a mission are far greater that the chances of me being hurt by one of your enemies while being in Konoha? You’ll have to get used to the fear of losing your partner to the dangers of shinobi life—as I had to do years ago.” It’s a harsh fact to speak out loud, even in Iruka’s most caring tone of voice, but it’s true.

“I know you’ve had to live with this fear since we’re together. How did you do it, Iruka?”

“I just learnt somehow, because I love you.” Iruka kisses Kakashi again, trying to ease his tension. “Are you going to freak out again and ask me to leave you for my own good?” Iruka half-teases.

“Not a good moment for jokes, Iruka. I’m panicking a bit here right now. I need some time to adjust.” Kakashi sounds vulnerable. Iruka hugs him closer, trying to make him feel better. 

“I’m here, Kakashi. I’m not going anywhere. I can’t promise everything will be all right. That I won’t be killed, or that you won’t be killed. I don’t know if we’ll be together for too long. We’ll have to learn to live with it and cherish the time we have.” 

Kakashi didn’t realize back then when he first let Iruka into his bubble that one of the reasons was that Iruka was not a field shinobi. He rarely took missions out of Konoha, he was safer in his mission desk and academy teaching jobs than most other shinobi. The risk of losing Iruka to a violent shinobi death was very low. Kakashi didn’t think he could have started a relationship with him otherwise. The pain of losing his precious people was too present back then.

Now the situation was different. He could lose Iruka at any time. Would he be able to live like that?

“Ouch!”

Iruka bites Kakashi’s ear. “Kakashi, come back to Earth. I can hear the little gears in your brain turning. Don’t freak out on me again, please. I’m horny and we were in the middle of something when Anko barged in. No missing nin is going to come and try to kill me tonight. Could we please continue where we left off?”

Iruka's confidence still amazes Kakashi sometimes. “Don’t you think the mood has been ruined?”

Iruka straddles Kakashi’s hips, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him, part playful, part annoyed. “Damn, Kakashi. Yes, we could be dead tomorrow. Isn’t it a good enough reason to seize every minute tonight?” Iruka underlines his words by sliding his hand into Kakashi’s half-fastened trousers and grabbing his half-hard cock. “Oh. The news has really affected you.”

Kakashi jerks at Iruka’s intimate touch, but then he relaxes and feels his blood rushing south again. “If you put it that way…”

“I’m right and you know it.” Iruka slowly strokes Kakashi’s cock while kissing and licking his neck.

“You’re always right. So right.” Kakashi melts under Iruka’s skilled hands. His own hands move to grab and caress Iruka’s naked back and buttocks, to stroke Iruka’s cock too. Iruka loves Kakashi’s soft grunts. Soon he’s joining him with his own pleasured sounds. They get off like that, stroking each other, kissing and caressing, with no urgency, until their rhythm gets faster and they reach their climax almost together.

The rest of the night goes in a similar way. They make good use of every minute until they fall asleep, exhausted, warmed by the prospect of waking up together the next morning for the first time since too long ago.

⁂

“Honestly, I’m amazed that you managed to keep the secret all these years. It makes me doubt my other Konoha shinobi’s perceptive abilities.” Tsunade is not in a good mood when Iruka and Kakashi meet her in the Hokage office to tell her the news before she learns it from another source. She never is, this early in the morning—she’s not a morning person. Iruka’s pretty sure her mug of tea is spiked with something to help her start up the day. 

“It’s because Iruka and I are good, not because they were bad,” Kakashi says, in his calm, bored voice. Iruka mentally punches him. They don’t need to make their situation worse than it already is.

Tsunade looks at Kakashi, unimpressed. “Don’t get sassy with me, brat. You’ve caused enough trouble as it is.”

Iruka reacts before he can’t help it. “With all respect, Tsunade-sama, Kakashi has been flawless with this since the beginning. I would be the one to blame, as Anko is my friend.”

“You don’t need to defend him, Iruka. I know you both really did your best. I guess this was too much to ask from you, to start with. Believe me, I was not happy having to put you through this nightmare.” 

Tsunade sighs. These last words are the closest thing to an apology Iruka and Kakashi are going to get from her. Iruka appreciates it anyway. 

Tsunade’s voice gets her usual hard edge again. “Well, it’s done now and there’s no going back. Iruka, now you’re a target for our enemies. I will need you to take special measures. Shizune will go through the high risk protocol with you. Basically, you won’t get missions out of Konoha anymore, and you’ll get a seal tattoo to call directly for ANBU help in case of emergency.” Iruka nods, trying not to flinch under Tsunade’s stern gaze. “I expect you to get some extra training, too. Your file hints that you had the potential to reach at least tokubetsu jounin level. You’re past the optimal age for that, but I will ask you to work hard on it. Any objections?” 

Iruka can feel a little treacherous sweat drop slide down his neck. “No, Tsunade-sama.” He’s not sure he likes what he’s getting into.

Tsunade nods, appeased. “Good. That will be all.”

Kakashi and Iruka bow and leave the Hokage’s office. 

“Well, well, sensei. That was unexpected. How do you feel about starting your training for tokubetsu?” Kakashi throws an arm around Iruka’s shoulders, teasing him, as they walk their way out of the Hokage tower. They get a few curious looks, but everyone around mostly keeps on with their business. 

Iruka stiffens before he remembers they no longer have to hide, and then relaxes into Kakashi’s hold. “I suppose I’m going to have a hard time. I decided years ago that I was okay as a chuunin. But it was mainly because I didn’t want to leave my job as a teacher. Now that’s not at risk I don’t know what to think.”

“Would you like me to be the one to train you?”

Kakashi’s soft voice makes Iruka shiver and take a pause before answering. Kakashi feels it. “Wait. Don’t tell me this is a kink for you? Oh, sensei, that’s so _nasty_.” Kakashi’s voice has gone to amused. Iruka rolls his eyes, he knows Kakashi is going to tease him mercilessly with this new knowledge. Great. 

They banter like that all the way back to Iruka’s home. To _their_ home.

⁂

The first time an S-level shinobi with a scratched Kiri symbol on his forehead protector tries to kill him, Iruka has a hard time until the ANBU backup arrives. The enemy almost succeeds, casting a powerful water bullet jutsu that hits Iruka in his right shoulder and arm. By the time the attacker is dead Iruka has almost bled out, but the hospital is close and they get him there on time to be healed.

When Iruka wakes up after the surgery Kakashi is sitting by his hospital bed, looking absently at the opposite room wall, his mask pooled under his chin. 

“Hey,” Iruka croaks. 

Kakashi startles and rushes to grab Iruka's good hand. “Hey. How are you feeling?”

“Like shit. But alive.” Iruka smiles tiredly. 

Kakashi looks pale and haunted. He looks like he’s dying to say _I’m sorry_. Iruka can feel his guilt and distress radiating in waves. “This is what we signed for. I’m okay with it.”

“I’m not,” Kakashi replies, upset. “I’ll never be okay with it.”

Iruka understands him. He’s been too often on the other side of this situation. “Now at least we’re allowed into the hospital. It’s nice to wake up with you there.”

Kakashi caresses Iruka’s face, and manages to smile. “Always the positive one. Makes my teeth rot.”

“You’re welcome. Did they say when I can go home?”

“No, but I guess it will be at least a couple days.”

Iruka is discharged later that same day, thanks to Kakashi’s promises of taking care of him, and not allowing him to get out of bed. Another perk of living publicly together. 

⁂

After some months and no more enemy attacks, Iruka’s opinion about his situation with Kakashi has greatly improved. Being together is great, and even if it’s not perfect, a lot of things have changed for the better now they don’t have to keep it secret.

Iruka’s never been so busy before in all his overworked life, and that’s saying a lot. His desk shifts have been reduced to allow him to take his intense training sessions. Kakashi is training him and taking any opportunity to tease him about the effect it has on Iruka. But he’s a great teacher—Iruka is aware of the privilege that is being trained by Sharingan no Kakashi himself. He's also getting some extra taijutsu sessions from Gai, which is another great privilege—he's Konoha's taijutsu master—, but also leaves him feeling like he's been hit by a train. Several times.

By the end of September Iruka is ready to take the tokubetsu jounin exams, specializing in seals and traps—they have always been his strong point. He passes, quite worthily.

“Not bad for an old man,” Naruto teases him while hugging the air out of Iruka’s lungs, with a huge grin—but Iruka can see the kid is very proud of him. They all make a celebration when Iruka recovers from the exam trials. A cake made by Izumo appears out of nowhere, Anko brings an incredible amount of food and alcoholic drinks, Gai hugs Iruka and cries over him, praising his youthful spirit, and they all spend a very nice afternoon in Iruka and Kakashi’s home. 

Iruka is getting used to this new life. Kakashi still gets recurrently injured, poisoned, or chakra exhausted to the point of having to spend some days at the hospital. Iruka worries as much as he did before, but now at least he’s able to sit by Kakashi’s bed in the hospital while he heals. 

Iruka no longer has to bite his tongue when Kakashi’s around, he doesn’t have to keep his hands to himself, or to refrain showing how much he cares for Kakashi. They are not big with public demonstrations of affection; they are still private people, especially Kakashi, but they no longer have to pretend they don’t care for each other. Those things are a luxury they quickly get used to.

⁂

Time goes by in Konoha. There have been some tragedies, there are winds of war blowing around. It’s never peaceful in this shinobi world, people go on with their lives the best they can, and are always ready to get bad news.

And yet, today everything is okay in Iruka and Kakashi’s world. Today is a nice sunny day in early March. Iruka and Kakashi stand dressed in their best clothes under a blossoming cherry tree, saying their wedding vows in front of Tsunade for the second time, and this time their important people are there with them, and there’s nothing bitter about it.


End file.
